


Sburb Omicron

by Rw552



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 06:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1215727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rw552/pseuds/Rw552





	Sburb Omicron

Your name is Ethan Johnsson. And you are really hot. Also, it is, like, a hundred degrees outside (zing!). You are 18 years old, and you are pretty much the biggest nerd in existence. That’s why you were the first of your little friend group to suggest playing Sburb. They all agreed eventually, but they made you buy all the copies. Which was ok, you guess, because they would end up owing you sometime, and it’s always good to have someone in your debt. What was weird, though, was when you bought, the sales-dude gave you this ominous look and told you to be careful with that game, like it was a gun or something. It’s not like that stopped you, you were really fired up about this game, and still are actually. That was earlier today, actually. You drove around town and delivered the games to your various friends, receiving varying levels of thanks (none) and now you are waiting for everyone’s games to finish installing.

tromboneGeeklord started pestering arcanumSphinx at 04:00

TG: hey, has it finished installing yet?

AS: No, god, I literally just put the stupid disk into my stupid computer

AS: Seriously, this is going to take a while.

TG: ...how long is a while?

AS: Right now it’s at… 2 hours.

AS: My laptop is an idiot, I’m sorry.

TG: i am going to murder your laptop and its family. i’ll do it, i swear, and with a fish

AS: yeah whatever. Go bother someone else

TG:i’ll do that, but not because you suggested it. i decided to do this of my own free will.

tromboneGeeklord ceased pestering arcanumSphinx at 04:05

 

tromboneGeeklord started pestering canatorApollo at 04:06

TG: ruuuuuuussssssseeeeeeelllllllllllll!

CA: What.

TG: is it ready?? has the game finished installing???????

CA: No. Remember, I told you that my computer sucked on toast.

TG: why toast? please elaborate before i rape you with a cactus

CA: Because I don’t see WHY THE HELL NOT. That and I am eating breakfast.

TG: look at this nerd! eating breakfast! who do you think you are? some… breakfast… eater?

CA: Yes, yes I am. Or should I bring up the MAYONNAISE INCIDENT?

TG: you shut your whore mouth before i staple it shut. this got waaaaay off topic. how much longer before i can be free from my boredom?

CA: About negative 3 minutes.

TG: and here i thought your computer sucked on toast. that’s like… infinitely faster than Lowell’s. he’s got a few HOURS left.

CA: My computer DOES suck on toast. My download finished up while you were busy insulting me.

TG: hot damn!!! ill check in with the idiot real quick.

CA: What about “assassin boy”?

TG: patience, grasshopper, patience. his time will be soon.

tromboneGeeklord ceased pestering canatorApollo at 04:12

 

Before bothering Harrison, you decide to check on your own download.

About 30 minutes left. Wow. Well, I guess Russell might end up being the server operator guy.

Oh well, time to bother Harrison.

 

You open up Pesterchum,but you realize that someone has been pestering you.

 

tomeReader started trolling tromboneGeeklord at 04:15

TR: hello there.

TG: hi?

TR i have elected to warn you.

TG: who the hell are you?

TR: no. but you should heed my advice. beware of the game.

TG: what are you talking about homo?

TR: beware.

tomeReader ceased trolling tromboneGeeklord at 04:18

 

You sit back, confused.

Who the hell was that?

And why the FUCK does it say “trolling”?

You shake your head. Don’t matter, that homo stopped bothering you anyway.

You sit back, and decide to bother Harrison.

 

tromboneGeeklord began pestering stultusGamenerd at 04:36

TG: dude

TG: duuuuuuuuuuude

TG……

TG: fine, be that way

tromboneGeeklord ceased pestering stultusGamnerd at 04:40

 

You guess since everyone else is installing (or being an unresponsive asswad), you should go check on your brother. Normally you try to limit contact with you brother, because of his. . . oddness. You aren’t even really sure how he convinced you to let him play the game with you and your friends. Or how he managed to convince you to let him be your server player. God, you are going to regret that.

You step out of your room. you live in a fairly average home, two stories, a bunch of rooms, some walls, you know, just stuff. Your room is on the bottom floor, while Your bro-ski, Cody Johnsson, resides on the topmost floor. After climbing the stairs, you approach his door, wary of whatever nonsense he will bombard you with the second you walk in. After a few deep breaths to calm you down, you shove open his door, and leap off to one side. As you expected, a water balloon flies through the door and soaks the floor of the hall. That one missed, and for that you are thankful. You are not so thankful, however, for the OTHER water balloon that shot through the door at just the right angle to find you. He must have known exactly where you were going to hide yourself. Bastard. You were actually wearing a clean shirt today! That’s it, it’s time for…

**STRIFE!**

You whip out your weapon almost without thinking, the metal cold in your hands. You jump to you feet and charge at him, screaming as you go. You swing at him, but somehow manage to miss. The momentum from your attack sends you flying across his room and your trusty trombone clatters across the floor. You brother looms over you, staring at you from behind his stupid fake nose disguise glasses, and lets out a dusty laugh.

The nard-sniffer helps you to your feet, and you put your trombone back into your strife deck. You ask your brother why he insists on wearing that stupid disguise. It doesn’t even work, you knew it was him the whole time. He just shakes his head and replies “You know nothing, Jon Snow”. You didn’t know he liked Game of Thrones. “Oh, by the way...” says the jack-ass in the lame disguise and a Link costume, “If you’re here about Sburb, it finished while you were flinging yourself at my floor.” “Great,” you respond “now we can get started. Fire up the server software and we’ll get this shit started!”

Cody sits down, and you head to your room. As you sit down at your laptop, you notice another Pesterchum notification.

Screw it. You got some gaming to do.

You hear a sound. An unpleasant sound. a sound that may or may not resemble a porcelain throne being ripped from its foundation and piping.

GOD.

FUCKING.

DAMN IT.

That idiot. You aren’t even going to go see what happened. Nope.  Not gonna do it.

You walk into the bathroom because fuck knows why. The toilet is sideways, and there is water that is certainly less than clean pooling up everywhere. You finally get your hands on a highly sophisticated game, and the first thing he does is remove your toilet. Why did you let him convince you to get him this game? (hint: the answer is he payed you) This calls for the greatest of facepalms. While preparing for the aforementioned facepalm, you fail to notice that Cody has finally gotten used to the server controls, and that he has been deploying all manners of sinister machinery around your room.  After he realizes that you have been too preoccupied smacking yourself in the face amongst piles of crap and piss for the past few minutes, he begins to start poking you with random objects until you decide to stop. To clarify, by “random objects” you mean the toilet that he just ripped up. And by “poking” you mean violently smashing it against your body until you respond.

“What?! What do you want from meeeeeeeeeeee???” you scream up the stairs at a certain idiot.

“I want you to stop hitting yourself, and do something productive.”

“Like hit you with a toilet?”

He doesn’t respond. You guess that means you win. This fills you a sense of empowerment that allows you to overcome the sense of stupidity flowing throughout your house. You walk back into your room to find that there is barely any walking space due to the large numbers of machines. You notice one looks it has a cap covering a tube on the top. You decide that the best course of action would be to try and remove said cap. There are a few ways you could go about this: you could attempt to gently remove the cap, as you don’t really know what’s inside the tube-y thing, or you could do what you did while the narrator was outlining the better idea, which was to hit the cap with your trombone until something happened. What happened was the cap flew off and a cheerful green orb zipped out of the tube-like object. The orb proceeds to spout out streams of gibberish at you. You stare at it and think about the best course of action. You decide that it might be a good idea to try and defeat the orb in battle.

It appears, once again, that it is time for a…

**STRIFE!**

You dropped you trombone after the orb popped out of the tube, and now its in between you and your faithful horn. You quickly scan you room for things to throw at the orb. It’s so hard to decide what to throw, because you don’t know what will happen to the orb, or the object that is thrown. With that in mind, your eyes settle on a printout on the wall. It’s a picture of Rincewind, the cowardly wizard who is the main character of several of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels. You rip the picture off the wall, wad it into a ball and fling it desperately in the general direction of the orb. By some miracle, it connects with the orb-y thing, and the orb begins to emit an extremely bright light. After the light subsides, you notice that something has changed about the room: There is a distinct lack of glowing green orbs in it.

  
  


**=== > Be the musical guy.**

 

You are now Russell Adams.

 

A FEW MINUTES EARLIER…

 

TG: hot damn!!! ill check in with the idiot real quick.

CA: What about “assassin boy”?

TG: patience, grasshopper, patience. his time will be soon.

tromboneGeeklord ceased pestering canatorApollo at 04:12

Ok, now that you’ve got the client version of Sburb installed, time to set up the server.

 

canatorApollo began pestering nautaeAphrodite at 04:18

CA: Whats up?

NA: Hi.<3

CA: So, hows the installation coming along?

NA: Just finished, I have the server, AND the client installed right now.<3

CA: Cool….so...wanna be my server person?

NA: Sure! Sounds like fun!,3

CA: Cool. :) I’ll just set up the connection.

CA: See ya in-game.

  
  


You decide to leave the window open, so you guys can talk easier.

You open up Sburb, and connect you computer to Courtneys.

*CLUNK*

‘the heck??

You look behind you, and see this giant platform sitting where your bed used to be.

 

CA: What the heck is that thing?

NA: It’s called an “alchemiter” You put these little rod thingies on it, and it makes stuff.<3

CA: What little rod thingies?

NA: Those dowels.<3

CA: What?

NA: Just freaking look behind you. They come out of that.<3

 

*LOOM*

 

You see a strange contraption with a cap on it.

 

CA: Whats that?

NA: Dunno, just looked cool.<3

CA: I’m gonna open it.

NA: Ummm… <3

 

You ignore Courtney's scared-ness, and use your rapier to rip the lid from its fastenings.

 

A strange orange light-ball rises out of the tube, and throws you off guard.

 

CA: What the heck is THIS thing??

NA: I think its called a Kernelsprite. You need to prototype it.<3

CA: Protowhat

NA: Merge it with something.<3

CA: Oh.

CA: what?

NA: Just put something useful in it. <3

CA: ok…

CA: I got it.

 

You pick up a Bionicle from your shelf above your bed.

It happens to be your favorite one, the one with the freaking awesome Ice powers, and the cool Ice Axe.

 

You chuck it at the Kernelsprite.

 

After a significantly sized flash of orange light, you notice that the Kernelsprite has changed…

NOW IT LOOKS BADASS.

 

Pretty much… Its got these cool flippin spikes coming out of it’s...shoulders.

Apparently it has shoulders now...

It also has a freaking Ice Axe on its back...I wonder if he can use it. (you decide it’s a he.)

“He...hello?”

Hello Russell. I am StrakkSprite

“What?”

CA: Can you see this?

CA: There is this badass looking new sprite thingy…

NA: Yeah! <3

NA: He’s cool <3

CA: What should I do now?

NA: Umm… <3

NA: Ask him what to do now? <3

 

“Um...what should I do now?”

Well...You should get to the Medium

“Medium?”

Medium

 

CA: This guy isn’t very helpful…

NA: I want to try something. <3

*Bumping and thumping noises*

 

CA: What are you doing?

NA: Placing more cool stuff. <3

CA: Where?

NA: Upstairs…<3

CA: oh no…

CA: I don’t even WANT to know what’s going on up there…

CA: I’m going to see what happens if I combine this guy with something else… Maybe he will be more useful…

 

You decide to try combining another Bionicle with StrakkSprite, maybe that will make him more useful.

 

For some strange reason, you feel the urge to combine(excuse me, PROTOTYPE) him with a Bohrok-Kal, even though you know that the Bohrok-Kal aren't the best at conveying their thoughts, and they aren't very helpful either...

 

After looking at your shelves, you realize that, sadly, you don't own any Bohrok-Kal. You mostly have Toa.

 

Why are you so hooked on Bionicles? You are basically an adult after all…

 

NA: DONE! <3

CA: what did you do.

NA: Go look! <3

 

You walk upstairs, wary of the changes made by your attractive, yet slightly ditzy partner.

 

CA: WHAT IN THE HECK!?

NA: What? <3

CA: Th-this...this is amazing.

NA: Why...thank you...Mr. Russell, it almost sounds like you are complimenting me.

CA: :)

CA: So...what do these do?

NA: I think you need those dowels.

CA: Ok.

 

You wander back downstairs, and pick up about 10 dowels.

 

CA: What now?

NA: I think you should put one on the Totem Lathe. <3

CA: The whosawhat?

NA: The sewing machine thingy. <3

CA: Ok. Then what?  
NA: Umm.. oh, wait...you need this…<3

 

A strange looking Syladex card drops out of thin air.

 

CA: What is that?

NA: I think it goes in that slot on the Lathe.

 

You place the card in the Lathe, and the dowel in its spot when suddenly, something starts happening.

The dowel is molded and shaped into a strange, chalice looking object.

 

CA: What is this thing?

NA: I don’t know…<3

NA: It goes with the alchemiter. <3

CA: Ok. One thing first….can you please not use the names of things I don’t know the names of?

NA: Whoops. Sorry. I promise. :3 <3

NA: It’s the big platform one.

NA: Put the dowel on the little podium.

CA: What will that do? Make another glowing thing?

NA: Just do it. <3

CA: No.

 

You place the dowel on the little podium.

  
  
  


**=== > Be that one other guy**

You are now that one other guy whose name is Ethan Johnsson.

You are now in your brother’s room.

Your, hopefully, victorious encounter with the green orb thing has allowed you to ascend your echeladder! You have gone from Brass Whippersnapper to Cacophonous Jackanape! Your ascension has gained you 10 boondollars and a new hat, which you promptly throw off of your head. You aren’t a hat man, damn it.

“So,” you say “The green thing. Where did it go?”

“I don’t know, I was busy”

“Busy doing what? Hitting me with bathroom fixtures?!”

“.....Yes.”

“Okay”, you sigh “So, what else am I supposed to do then? I’m just about 900% certain that the orb-y thing is important, so now what Mr. I-Know-Everything-Ever-About-This-Game?”

“Well, There’s what’s apparently known as a ‘Totem Lathe’. While you were dicking around with the green thing, I gave it a look.” he gestures to the vaguely loom-looking machine that he has place in his room “It looks like it has a slot for sylladeck cards, but when i put in one of mine, nothing happened. I did, however, find something called the “Punch Designix”, which sound promising. Be a dear and go down to the living room and punch one of your cards, would you?”

As you leave the room to complete this quest, you make sure to flip your brother off, because you just can’t be bothered to come up with a decent comeback right now.

As you descend the stair, you notice that he has place the designix on top of the couch. What is his problem? What made him think that could ever be a good idea?!

You begin to search your sylladex for a card to punch. You decide on your trench coat that you keep in your sylladex for when you need to look awesome. When you take it out, due to your clumsiness, you also manage to pull out a poster of Rincewind. Don’t judge, he’s awesome. You think, aw, what the heck, and decide to just punch them both, because why not. After the machine does its machine-y thing, you take the cards back up stairs to the Totem Lathe. Your brother greets you as you enter his room.

“Hey brother of mine, since you went ahead and punched two, try putting one on top of the other, and then put them in the Lathe.”

“Whatever, Mom, you can’t tell me what to do!” you say as you proceed to do exactly what he said.

Nothing happens.

“Hey, dumb-face,” your brother says “you need to go to the ‘Cruxite Extruder’ and get some cruxite dowels. Grab two, cause I found this pre-punched card in the game’s store-thing”

Grudgingly, you go and retrieve two of the cruxite dowels from the extruder. You then place a dowel in the lathe, and try the cards again. The lathe carves the dowel into a different shaped dowel. Once it’s finished, you place the pre-punched card and the other dowel in the lathe, and head back to your room to place the dowel in the alchemiter. You’re proud of yourself, because you didn’t even need Cody’s help with that. You place the dowel in the alchemiter, and create the item. The item that you got from combining Rincewind and the trench coat was a “Wizzard Cloak”. A bad-ass cloak that resembles the Cloak that Rincewind wore in Discworld, it’s red, trimmed with gold, and with lots of relatively magical looking gold shapes all over the back. It differs from Rincewind’s in that it has a hood with the word “WIZZARD” embroidered in gold across the front. You immediately throw the thing on, because it is the coolest thing you have ever seen.

 

 


End file.
